You Don't Have to Die to Feel Dead (A Percabeth One Shot, Remake)
by Floor600Please
Summary: Just because you're not the one who died, doesn't mean you can't suffer from feeling dead. (Five Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance)


"Why are you being so immature about this?" Percy rolled his eyes as he took out the piece of rolled plant from his mouth.

"Immature? Percy, you're killing yourself!" Annabeth glared. She had never felt so angry, so disgusted, at the sight him holding a death machine in a cylinder."

"I'm not dead yet, am I?" He replied as he took a long drag, blowing the smoke in Annabeth's face just to annoy her. She coughed, making a feeble attempt to glare stronger at him. He knows that she's sick of smoke, yet he does this?

"Annabeth, you can't make my decisions for me," Percy crossed his arms.

"I can if it's costing your life! I hate what you're doing! I hate _you_!" She shot back.

"You know what? I'm done. I can't take this anymore. Goodbye." Percy walked out of the room, knowing very little about the fact that those might be his last words to her, ever.

"Percy didn't know where that car came from.

It could've just been there, and he wasn't paying attention because of his stupid ADHD.

It could've just appeared because Zeus was so fed up with him, so he chose to kill him.

Or maybe it was just bad luck.

Whatever the case, Percy didn't see the pick up truck until it hit him.

Literally.

The last thing he remembers is pain. Lots of pain. Every single muscle in his body ached. His skin burned because of the smoke in the car. In who knows how long, this car will blow up, he thought. He knew that from seeing other cars like this. Blood trickled down his mouth. Dark spots danced around his eyes. A sharp pain suddenly shot through his stomach. Looking down, he realized that a shard of glass was impaled through his abdomen.

"Annabeth," was the only word Percy managed to get out before blacking out fully, the darkness numbing the pain.

Annabeth didn't understand true pain until she heard the words from the nurse's mouth.

"Is this Annabeth Chase?" The nurse had said.

"Yes, why?" She knit her eyebrows together, worry rising up to her chest.

"I'm sorry to inform you this, but Percy Jackson has been in a car crash. We tried our very best -"

And after that, everything went numb.

She didn't listen to anything else the nurse had to say.

All she knows now is that Percy is gone, and the last thing they did was fight.

She looked down at her stomach, tears blurring her vision.

And let the darkness consume her.

"Denial"

"Annabeth, I'm so sorry," Piper frowned, her eyes red from crying.

She didn't respond. Nothing responded. Not even her brain. She couldn't process what was going on.

Percy's not dead. He's going to come home, tease me about the black clothes I'm wearing and about how I'm hanging out with Nico too much, and kiss me.

He's not dead.

He's not dead.

But I am.

"Anger"

Dearest Percy,

Why did you leave? Was I not good enough for you? Did I annoy you, or bore you? Was going to Elysium so exciting that you'd leave your pregnant girlfriend behind? Why did you, the demigod who saved my ass so many damn times, let a small shard of glass kill you?

I miss you.

I miss the way your head throws back when you laugh. They way your eyes crinkle whenever you give me that lopsided smile that meant you were up to something. Your cute arguments about how blue food is real, and how you'd make me try it.

Your ocean smell. Your green eyes. Your kisses. Hugs. Love.

That's all I need. That's all I've ever needed, and you left me

Why did you leave? It's not fair.

Why must you hurt me?

Why did you leave?

Annabeth

"Bargaining"

"He tried out for Rebirth." Hades frowned to the blonde girl, tears streaming down her face.

"He what?" Annabeth cried. "No! I need to see him! I need to..." She could barely finish her sentence without sobbing.

"I need to see him..."

"He was just born now, girl." The god crossed his arms. "Son of Hecate and Darren Whitlock. He's called Jordan."

"No, no, no," her voice sounded so heartbreaking, so sullen, it almost made the death god comfort her.

Almost.

"I need to see him. Now." She demanded, her voice breaking like her heart, as if it has been ripped out of her chest, stomped, sliced, squeezed, and tortured, and had put it back again, forcing it to work, to pump blood once more, while its exhausted. Exhausted to feel. To hurt.

"I have a solution," Hades mused. "You know, the river Acheron has a myth. One who swims there and survives gets granted one wish, and one only. You could wish for your body to stay this way until the time comes for Percy - er, Jordan, to meet you. Although, you cannot wish for him to be brought back to life, since that is beyond our powers."

Annabeth should've been jumping for joy. She should've accepted with no hesitation. But one voice was holding her back. Specifically, Percy's voice.

Don't do it, he said. I don't want you to be an idiot too.

And that's when she had finally gave up.

I love you, Percy.

I'm giving up for you.

"Depression"

It's been eight months.

August 18.

Percy's birthday.

My love's birthday.

And he hasn't come back.

He'll never come back.

Just like my sanity.

I miss you, Percy.

Everyone wants me to give up on finding you.

Everyone thinks I've given up on finding you.

But I know you're still there.

I know you're here, walking on earth, not knowing that you were the saviour of Olympus in your old life.

And it pains me to know that you're here, but you're not.

You're my Seaweed Brain, but you're not.

I'll never be able to receive any more kisses from you.

Or the occasional mockery of me when I fangirl over a book.

Or movie marathons and cute dates and angry glares from our Olympian parents when they see us together.

It hurts.

It feels like you've been crumpled.

Crushed.

Hurt.

Abused.

Broken.

Pained.

And you were forced to work more.

Forced to be able to know.

To be pained.

To be crushed.

To be hurt.

Over and over again.

I can't even cry anymore.

The pain is just so numb, and my body's given up on exerting any more fluids, as if I've expressed myself enough.

Why can't you just come back?

Come back to me, Seaweed Brain.

Your daughter is waiting, too.

Annabeth

"Acceptance"

It's the first time I've ever been outside in a long time.

I could've done anything I wanted.

Instead, I ran into a boy.

He looked so familiar.

Sea green eyes.

Raven hair.

Percy.

Jordan.

"Hey, look, miss, I don't mean to be rude, but will you move? I'm looking for someone, and you're so tall so it isn't fair." He raised his eyebrow at me, something Percy did many times.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. He frowned.

"You don't look to good. Is something wrong?" His unconditional worry for me melted my heart. Even in another life, he cared.

"No," I shook my head. "I was about to go to the drugstore." His eyes widened as I said that.

"No you're not." I was baffled by this boy.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm going to take a wild guess. Boyfriend died, car crash, left you with a child, and now you think nothing matters and everything hurts." I stared at him, dumbfounded by this. Yes, he was him in his other life, but he spoke with so much accuracy. He even winced, as if remembering a very painful thought.

Or memory.

"Yes," I nodded, my voice slightly quieter than a whisper.

It comes back to me now.

To be pained.

To be crushed.

To be hurt.

"Listen," he spoke softly. "I'm only a kid. 12, actually. But you have to stop mourning for him. Do you think he'd be happy if you killed yourself because of what happened a decade ago? He would blame himself, and that guilt would overwhelm him forever, even in hell. Move on. And moving on doesn't always mean forget the past. It means to accept it."

And ever since then, after speaking to my ex boyfriend's reincarnation, for the first time in forever, I've accepted it.

I love you, Perseus Jackson.

I love you enough to let you go.


End file.
